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As a part of my Druidry 101 course last night I participated in several meditation exercises (which I plan to use in my DP practice/documentation). One of these was the controlled-breath. A breath is inhaled for a count of 4, held (by holding the diaphragm, not locking the throat) for a count of 2, exhaled for a count of 4, held for a count of two, and then repeated for as long as is wanted. While I was doing it I felt like continuing forever and actually felt a little resentful when we had to move on to the next exercise. Itapos;s hard to believe that something so simple can be so satisfying
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So I think I may have to take yet MORE classes to apply to vet schools if I donapos;t get in this time.

If I have to take TWO classes in the sociological and behavioral science department, which would be the easiest? Least boring? I can take classes in the areas of psychology, sociology, cultural anthropology, political science, or economics.

Iapos;m kind of assuming that cultural anthropology would be lots of boring memorization but in general fairly easy, but am I wrong? Would economics be easier? Meh. I donapos;t know...

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earth sun and the moon

I started to ache when I started to think of you.
Wondering how long it would take before I step into something new.
Thereapos;s so much I can fake.
Thereapos;s only so much that I can prove.
Well, do it in a minute,
I could go play the fool for you.

Lights, camera, action.
I think Iapos;m going for it this time.
Thereapos;s something you should listen to.
Could I take you for a car ride?
This is the soundtrack for our movie.
Would you tell me when we get to the best part?
Iapos;ll play it for you.
Oh no, I think Iapos;ve lost this one.
Can we try again?

Well Iapos;m a wreck.
I really canapos;t explain it but I,
I hear the music when I look at you.
Orchestrating the song to accommodate the moment.
Well, Iapos;m so in love with you.

Are you looking for an answer?
Because I could really use a friend tonight.
We can make this last forever.
We donapos;t have to fear the sunlight.

Well Iapos;m a wreck.
I really canapos;t explain it but I,
I hear the music when I look at you.
Orchestrating the song to accommodate the moment.
Well, Iapos;m so in love with...

Iapos;ll take a chance and steal away this movie moment.
Well, Iapos;m in deep whenever Iapos;m with you.
Iapos;m directing the scene that has you and me forever.
Well, Iapos;m so in love with...
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Iapos;m sorry but nowadays when I got an urge to blog. It really means that I got hell lots of thoughts in my mind.

I just realise that the kind of lifestyle that I truly want. I am not exactly working towards it. I�hate the fact that its actually laziness that is obstructing me from having the kind of lifestyle that I want. I�always dream and dream and dream. What for dream when I know very well that I can easily lead the kind of lifestyle that I�want.

Luxury. Labels. 5cs?

Ok, it may seems very materialistic. But I donapos;t see it this way. I see it as enjoying life. I�only have one life, I�want to make the best out of it. I� actually loathe it when people comment that Iapos;m actually very materialistic. They donapos;t dare to dream. Doesnapos;t have big dream. Is just satisfied with just that minimum wages that they are earning. You donapos;t have to correct me. Cause I know that what I had just said is not completely true. I understand that to some people, that is actually already life. BUT�do they have to condemn us for having bigger dreams than theirs? Everyone has got different dreams and goals. Why must they make it a point to me that my dreams doesnapos;t sound right? Why must they keep correcting my mindset?

I think that my dreams are just fine. Just a little bit bolder. A little bit more difficult to achieve. So donapos;t try to talk me out of it. Thank you.

Now to love. Angmohs?�Rich? Handsome?

Whats your kind? I think 9 out of 10 women would love to have a rich handsome boyfriends/husbands. Why is that so? Because we will feel secure financially? I donapos;t like the feeling of having to worry about whether we got enough cash to do the things that we want to do. Ok, maybe is just that I love the feeling of being dote and someone splurging on me. Seriously, who doesnapos;t love to be loved?

Lets see what you got to say.

Shaoling is not that faithful after all. She only goes for looks and wealth. You may say that I go for looks and wealth but hey, thats just the surface. I do go for character and truly believe in love. Once I fall in love, I guess it will be forever. So donapos;t judge. Looks and wealth is just one out of many factors that I look into.

I think its perfectly ok to go gaga over handsome guys. Especially when girls get together they talk about guys guys and guys. I mean at this age you donapos;t talk about economy and jobs and bosses and collegues right? And sometimes for couples, guys have to blame themselves for not being that handsome and thus leading your girlfriend to comment that whoever is sooo handsome. Sometimes, let down your ego and agree with your girlfriend that that guy is really that handsome. Your girl will be surprise man. Sometimes, too much ego is not good.

I hate guys who misled girls and make us have the wrong feeling. Sometimes this guy will treat you so god damn good and worse still you have good feelings towards him. And after checking that you actually develop feelings for him already he say that he only treat you as a sister. You have no idea how bad this is to a girl. Worse still, if you laugh it off and say that the girl is crazy. The poor girl has to pretend that nothing happen and still be friend with you and thinking that she was suppose to be your girlfriend. Ok, I hate one sided love. BUT SOMETIMES ITS THE GUY WHO LEAD TO THIS. Maybe girls too. Ha.

Actually, I do dream of having a rich angmoh boyfriend and live happily ever after. However, lifes such a bitch. Reality hits you real hard. You just fall in love with the wrong guy and thats when everything goes wrong. We should all fall in love with the wrong person only then you will learn that there is no such thing as happily ever after. No such thing as fairytale.

Grow up, you are no longer that young girl who needs your papa to read you fairytale before you tuck in.

Actually I hope that Iapos;m married now with kids. I like to see how happy my sister is with her big belly. I love to see how my brother-in-law actually treats her like goddess. I am glad to see that she is about to have a happy family.

I wish I wish I wish.
So everything is actually interlink.

I still want the best of both worlds. Inside me, I still got one little wish. I am about to�create my own fairytale.

See, life is sucha bitch. Its so contradicting.



this post is actually pointless. Dont bother reading. Imjustlazytostartmyreportthatswhyimwritingthispointlesspost.

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Hello everyone,

I live in Minnesota and am in need of a stylish but also functional/warm winter coat for the rapidly approaching winter season. I am looking for something with a pea coat style and possibly a hood. I found one for about $120 on Overstock, but I wanted to see if anyone had any other ideas. I would prefer black or dark grey and something that is about mid length between hip and knee--Iapos;m about 5apos;3.

Thanks

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atv buying

Despite the difficulty of keeping an active blog, you know, one with a lot of sense (because I donapos;t allow myself to show anything else but anger and joy in the first blog), I decided that I should create another blog -- this one -- with the main purpose of having the ability to let out a couple of things that I donapos;t really discuss in real life. Blame it on my fatherapos;s genes that I donapos;t like discussing emotional matters, I guess, but then the difference between me and him is that once in a while I see the need to let it all out -- hence this blog. Another main reason I made this blog was so that no one or at least only a few people can read my emotional turmoils, ones I donapos;t like sharing at all, because I donapos;t like people seeing who I am through my momentary emotions. And despite the time now and my 9AM class tomorrow, this has been boiling underneath the surface and maybe, just maybe, right now is the time to take off the cover and let the steam escape. Forgive me for being so emotional but I promise you when I say this will be shorter than this first paragraph. After all, who wants to read a depressing blog right?


They say change, for the most part, brings good things. Thatapos;s only for the most part and for the past few, I donapos;t know, probably months already, Iapos;ve always felt like I was being left behind. Kaya nga napagiiwanan ang title. Iapos;m not naming names or what these people have done (they are a lot and not that theyapos;ve done anything to offend me) but itapos;s because of this thing called change that has got me feeling this way. Change changed them, and these changed people are close to me. Itapos;s like, sometimes, it gets awkward to hang out or talk to them. Itapos;s like Iapos;m just getting to know them. Change made them into new people, picking up new habits, being besides themselves.


Too much, I say.�Or is it, that change hasnapos;t found me yet?


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Halloween is coming fast, and Iapos;m�fast�approaching the stress point.� We are busy trying to get ready for our Halloween party (one week from today) for my two youngest boys.� They are eight and eleven.� Each year for the party we have a Haunted Walk in our back woods, and it has gotten bigger each year.��

This yearapos;s�basic story will involve an individual who has been cursed (hiccups, canapos;t stop laughing, or something like that) and the kids will have to go to the woods to search out Helga the witch for a cure.� Once found, she will direct them to various locations to gather the "ingredients" for the potion.� Some of the scenes include, the mad scientist (set up in an old shed), Hangmanapos;s Tree, The Dungeon (basement of the barn), Helgaapos;s garden, The Candy Man.

This year we are changing our dungeon (from last year) to a draculaapos;s lair.� That means I have a coffin to build, and I havenapos;t even started that yet.� Some of the stuff from the dungeon will be re-used.� For the garden scene I still need to create a scarecrow, set up fence, etc.
I have some of the stuff accumulated for the Mad Scientist from previous years, but I still need to setup his laboratory...� And, of course, costumes for all of our live characters.

Since it is at night, lights must be installed at all the scenes and at various points along the path.� I have most of this done.�

Oh yes, the kids must also be weary�of a number of�unexpected scares such as the giant spider dropping down upon them, live characters dressed as dummies (you can never tell what is real and what is not).

And all this for about 45 minutes of fun�� The last few years we have had two parties, but this is the first year my daughter (16) has not had one after nine years straight.� So, we only have the one party this year.� My daughter will be playing one of the characters (the cursed manapos;s daughter), and will be with the kids during their adventure.� I will be playing the part of Helga (the witch) once again.� My two older boys will be the Hangman and�the Gardener in Helgaapos;s garden.� My sister-in-lawapos;s boyfriend will be playing The Vampire.� I believe my wife is going to be the Mad Scientist.

Yikes,�itapos;s going to be a busy, busy weekend

Donapos;t forget to stock up on candy - Halloween is only two weeks away
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Done with antibiotics as of today Two less pills to worry about, happy dance.

Swelling is progessing down my legs centimeter by annoying centimeter. My feet and ankles are still all puffy and donapos;t bend all that well, but itapos;s mostly ignorable... Or more has to be if I wanna walk places. Totally getting one of them thar girly mani-pedis once I can see bone in my feet again.

Cough mostly gone, and it no longer hurts to yawn or take deep breaths anymore. That and I no longer get totally winded climbing stairs. Thatapos;s dance worthy.

VOICE IS FINALLY RETURNING. Thank the fucking gods. I still canapos;t project worth shit, but I at least sound fairly normal at speaking volume. And even better Iapos;ve got at least my lower range back, so I can at least sing Macy Gray again, lol. Good place to start - she always sounds like that. But yeah... Remind me to never underestimate how comforting it is to just be able to sing along to whatever Iapos;m listening to. Hell, maybe I can actually play Rock Band 2 this weekend.

Appetite is good, and as far as I can tell, the digestive process is functioning nicely. Still perfectly content to not be eating crap food and going to do my best to keep that up.

Raw bit under my nose still looks fairly nasty, but is on the mend.

belly scar is... Interesting. Not bad interesting because itapos;s clearly healing well, just interesting in terms of thereapos;s this fascinating complex biological process happening where I can see it. Now that Iapos;ve pretty much lost any sense of the woogies regarding it, I must say Iapos;ve been fascinated by its progress, in all its weird peely granulated glory. Parts of it you canapos;t even see the seam already, and other parts are gonna take a long while to knit up and join completely. Pretty cool, in a sorta gross kinda way - I kinda feel like that moment in the Addams Family movie where Uncle Fester, Pugsley and Wednesday are gleefully exclaiming over the big book about scabs.

Status: recovering well.

Annnd back to work. :D

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What if life wasnapos;t so unfair, if everything you ever wanted was right there for you to have. What if you could change your life around and go back and fix things knowing that things will be better after you do. What if you could be happy? Live your dreams and never have a worry. That would be heaven, that would be inspiritation to live life to the fullest.

After everything that has happened between both of you, he still thinks he has control, has the power to get what he wants from you and treat you like a piece of paper. But instead of giving up on life and worrying about living and being hurt...you go on. You meet the handsomest gentlest fellow who literlally sweeps you off your feet. It was worth it all, the tears, suffering, pain, and the wait. He treats you like a princess, no, a queen and you have no worries when your with him. Then you start to worry...you have an event to go to and that horrid man who hurt you so badly and deeply is going to be there...yet you donapos;t know it. Youapos;re all excited to be out and about since no one knows of your relationship with your angel. You arrive and your angel is inside, unaware of your arrival...but he sees you, the evil one. You panic for a quick second, then float right past him going into the room where the party is going on. You saw him smile an evil grin as you walk past and youapos;re aware that heapos;s following you. But you keep your head...you stand in the big doorway of the dance hall and glance about, looking for your love. The evil one comes up beside you and speaks your name...you shiver inside but keep a good poker face on the outside. He trys to make conversation with you and thinks youapos;re still his trash to kick...but you know youapos;re not trash....your a queen and he has no right to speak to you. There, off on the other side of the room you see your love...your eyes meet...and he sees the evil one beside you and makes his way across the room. You, being impatient to get away from the evil one, make your way towards him...he was stopped by someone and is talking, but keeps glancing at you. Then your friend stops you...youapos;re relieved that you have someone to help keep the evil one from speakin to you alone. But then the evil one joins the conversation and stands right next to you...and you hold your breath thinking of ways to get away. You turn towards him and smile...but only because in the background you can see your love rushing to your rescue. The evil one smiles back...thinking that you are his to kill. Just when you start to think things might get messy...your love reaches you. He smiles at you and gives you a kiss on the forehead, asuring your safety. The evil one is shocked...doesnapos;t understand. Your love addresses your friend and him...while holding you close, comforting you. Your friend to is shocked that she hasnapos;t heard of this relationship and your love responds that you both didnapos;t want people to know until it got serious. The evil one is shocked...looks pale and beaten. Your love addresses him asking what the devil is wrong with him and suggests maybe he go home. The evil one shakes his head...and gives you a look, saying it wasnapos;t over yet. Your love sees this look and squeezes you and gives you a soft kiss on the forehead reminding you that he is there to protect you. You both know what you must do now...and gaze into eachothers eyes...knowing that each are thinking the same thing. He helps you remove your coat and you sigh...gathering courage to turn around. He puts out his hand and you put your hand in his...and he sweeps you to the dance floor. On the dance floor he holds you close whispering that it was time...and you know what he means. "yes" you whisper in his ear and he takes you outside to the garden and pulls out the little box....gets down on one knee...and asks for you to be his forever. With tears in your eyes you kiss him on the forehead and get down on your knees and say "yes...forever" He slips the ring on your finger and wipes away your tears, then you go back inside and dance again. Only then do people notice the two of you together, and begin to wonder...especially when they see a ring. The evil one seems to be plotting on intruding on your dance...and as he makes his way across the dance floor towards you, your love holds you closer and whispers "Iapos;ll never let you go." The evil one taps on your loveapos;s shoulder asking if he may have the dance. Your lover kindly turns around and keeps you behind him, protectivly, and says "I would appreciate if you would stop bothering my fiance. You may have this dance with some other lady...unless they have rejected your rudeness and preversion also. It would be most kind of you to furthermore leave my future bride alone for as long as God graces you with the life you so luckily have." Then your love turns to you and kisses you most sweetly on the lips, "I promise to keep you safe forever" and sweeps you away from the evil one. Rage is written all over the evil oneapos;s face and you are worried, but your love promises there is nothing to worry about. Just then as the evil one storms across the dance floor over where you and your love are standing drinking....5 body guards step in his way. Youapos;re shocked and confused, so you look at your love and he smiles at you. "I told you not to worry darling. Didnapos;t I tell you I had body guards?" You shake your head completely confused. "Yes my father insisted I get them. He said being a millionare and all i should be protected." At this point your shocked beyond words as he explains that heapos;s a millionare and spills everything. About his cars, houses, money, how he didnapos;t want to tell you this before due to concerns that youapos;d only want him for his money. You begin to cry with happiness thinking your life canapos;t be better....and he places your head in his hands and looks you in the eyes "are you happy? I can be dirt poor for you if youapos;d like...just say the word...whatever you want...granted" You wrap your arms around his neck and kiss him "Who ever you choose to be....as long as iapos;m with you, Iapos;ll be happy" He smiles and kisses you, "Weapos;ll need money and a house to raise children and such....so if i stay a multi millionare so I can treat you as the queen you are to me...is that fine?" You kiss him...."yes my king"

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